


Overheard

by Codexfawkes



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Discussion of Anal Sex, Eavesdropping, Erotica Critique, F/M, No Smut, Secret Relationship, talking about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:04:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8325352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Codexfawkes/pseuds/Codexfawkes
Summary: “What are you talking about? It’s really hot,” Jane countered.“In theory, yes, totally hot. In practice, if someone actually did that they’d be yelping in pain,” Darcy asserted.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing. Any characters used from the Marvel universe and any quotes from anywhere are not mine. Joss is Boss.
> 
> You know when you read something and you just can't get past how it wouldn't work? Yeah, this came from a recent experience with that.

Clint and Sam walked off the elevator and onto the common floor, heading for the kitchen. As they got closer they could hear Darcy talking. 

“No, seriously? That would never work, not possible. Unless this dude has nerve damage, no way,” Darcy declared sounding disgusted.

“What are you talking about? It’s really hot,” Jane countered.

“In theory, yes, totally hot. In practice, if someone actually did that they’d be yelping in pain,” Darcy asserted.

Sam and Clint exchanged a look of confusion and amusement. A quick silent conversation later, they snuck forward and settled into the doorway to see where this went. They could now see the two women sitting at the breakfast bar with mugs of what was likely coffee, and a tablet on the counter between them.

“I don’t see why, I mean there was prep involved, and lube,” Jane pointed out.

“Okay, but both were extremely minimal. No way getting fucked with that tiny amount of preparation wouldn’t hurt really bad. You know this, I know you know this. Just because it’s not a vagina getting penetrated doesn’t mean foreplay isn’t needed. Not only is this crappy writing, but I’m thinking a lack of actual experience on the authors part,” Darcy insisted.

“That’s not fair, just because you think it’s unlikely doesn’t mean the author hasn’t had sex,” Jane defended.

“I’m not saying she’s never had straight, penis in vagoo sex. I’m saying she’s never had anal, or talked to anyone who’s had anal cause that would be an owwwww situation right there,” Darcy argued.

“How would you know?” Jane demanded. Darcy remained silent, simply staring at her friend pointedly. “Really? You, you’ve…” Jane trailed off making a vague hand gesture. Clint shifted watching Darcy intently, as Sam started to rethink eavesdropping on them. It was one things to listen to them argue about a book, another to listen to Darcy’s personal experiences. Things she might not want them to know.

“Yes Jane, I have had and enjoyed anal sex,” Darcy confirmed.

“But…you’re not a guy,” Jane pointed out sounding confused.

“True?” Darcy offered bemused.

“Well, I mean guys have the part that makes that fun, so what do you get out of it?” Jane wanted to know.

“I’m confused, why would I need a dick to enjoy being penetrated?” Darcy wondered. 

“No, I meant, you know internally,” Jane clarified.

“Janie, you don’t need a prostate to enjoy anal. I mean vaginal sex doesn’t always hit my g-spot but it still feels great,” Darcy pointed out.

“Yeah, but there are nerve endings there, but with anal it’s just…a tube,” Jane floundered.

“Oh honey, you really need to expand your horizons,” Darcy chuckled. “Without getting graphic, there are nerve endings involved in anal too. Not as many, that’s true, however it does feel good with proper preparation and execution. Which this travesty did not cover,” Darcy  explained getting back on topic and pointing at the tablet.

“I still think it was well written,” Jane remarked. 

“I swear to Thor, okay let me put it this way. Let’s say, I’m a virgin” Jane snorted in laughter at this “no comments from the peanut gallery. So pretend I’ve fingered myself, but I’ve never had sex with a guy. Then boom, one day I walk in on my best dude friend masturbating and he invites me to join. So I get naked, get on the bed, exchange a couple of kisses, feel him up, finger myself a couple of times then, without any more prep, impale myself on dudes dick. Now, am I going to be thinking ‘oh god it feels so good’ or am I going to be regretting my life choices?” Darcy challenged. 

Jane stared at her for a long moment before sagging in defeat. “Fine, you win, it’s completely unrealistic,” Jane acquiesced.

“Thank you!” Darcy crowed. Jane pouted and sipped at her coffee, muttering how her friend had ruined the story for her. Clint and Sam smirked at each other and walked the rest of the way into the kitchen heading for the fridge.

“Afternoon ladies,” Sam greeted.

“Done lurking boys?” Darcy smirked at them. Both men froze for a second before continuing on.

“No way you knew we were there,” Clint challenged.

“And yet, I did,” Darcy taunted.

Clint grabbed a couple of slices of left over pizza and plopped them on a paper towel before leaning against the breakfast bar facing Darcy from the opposite side. Sam pulled out some left over pasta and put it in the microwave.

“So how much of that did you hear?” Jane asked blushing.

“Pretty much all of it,” Clint admitted grinning.

“Ass, it’s not polite to eavesdrop,” Jane frowned.

“Especially when two ladies are talking about getting fucked there?” Clint teased.

“Such a jerk,” Jane complained.

“Awwww, you know you love me,” he snarked. Jane huffed in annoyance, fighting a smile as she stood.

“I’m going back to the lab,” she announced, heading for the elevator. The microwave beeped and Sam grabbed his bowl before taking Jane’s seat. He ate his mac and cheese while watching Darcy and Clint pretend to ignore each other. Sam finished his food as quickly as he could and rinsed out his bowl before leaving them to their sexual tension. Something that had been getting worse between them lately. He really hoped they’d just get together already, it was getting annoying.

“Just think, until a month ago you were the anal neophyte. Now you sound like an expert,” Clint teased once they were truly alone.

“You taught me well Obiwan,” Darcy smirked.

“I think you mean **did** you well,” Clint grinned.

“Such an ass,” Darcy laughed, standing to put her mug in the sink along with the one Jane left on the counter.

“You shouldn’t clean up after her, she’ll never learn if you do,” Clint observed.

“You’d think that, but I’ve tried not cleaning up after her. That’s how the lab in New Mexico ended up with a prairie dog family living in the supply closet,” Darcy related. Clint burst out laughing, tossing the wadded up paper towel into the trash and catching Darcy in his arms.

“I’ve been thinking, we should let people know about us,” Clint suggested.

“Yeah?” Darcy asked smiling up at him.

“Yeah, we’ve been good for like six months. I usually screw up well before six months,” he related.

“If you’re in so am I,” Darcy agreed pulling him into a kiss. “But the real question is, when are you going to let **me** expand **your** horizons?” Darcy purred running her hands suggestively over his ass. Clint pressed closer to her, rocking his hips against hers.

“How about we head back to my place and open negotiations,” Clint offered with a suggestive smile, repeating what she’d said to him when he’d asked her the same thing.

“Anything you want honey, I promise I’ll be gentle,” Darcy teased before slapping him on the ass and sauntering away, Clint trailing after her with a smug grin. Yeah they were gonna be just fine.


End file.
